Every week as SmallBizLady, I conduct interviews with experts on my Twitter talk show #SmallBizChat. The show takes place every Wednesday on Twitter from 8-9pm ET. This is excerpted from my recent interview with @JanGoss1. Jan Goss helps high performing individuals be their best. An accomplished singer, songwriter, motivational speaker, and author is on a mission to shape and change how people “show up” in their businesses and everyday lives. As America’s #1 Master Confidence Strategist, Jan has worked with individuals, churches, and business owners on first impressions, networking skills, and confidence building. Jan is the founder of Civility Consulting and Managing Director of the Austin Chapter of eWomenNetwork. For more information, visit www.civilityconsulting.com
SmallBizLady: Why is connecting so important?
Jan Goss: Connecting is the way we do business. If we don’t connect with other people, we won’t have a business! The more effectively we can learn to connect, the higher the chances of our success. Connecting is important because it affects our success level, personally and professionally. If I had never connected with my husband, we would not be married today! All business and personal relationships begin with a connection.
SmallBizLady: Why don’t we connect?
Jan Goss: The short answer to why we don’t connect is fear. I guess it is possible that we could just be downright lazy…but if we are talking to a bunch of entrepreneurs, lazy is not in our vocabulary! When we are young, we are taught “Don’t talk to strangers”. Strangers are dangerous! What served us well when we were little gets in our way as adults. We get into a room full of “strangers” and freeze up internally. Our “stranger danger” alarm goes off in our head. Fear of the unknown also plays a part in keeping us from connecting. “What if they don’t like me?” “What if I don’t know what to say?” All of the unknown factors about connecting keep us at a distance. And we certainly don’t want to ADMIT that we have any fear… J that would mean we are weak… we aren’t superman or superwoman… I don’t want to admit that I am afraid to connect!
SmallBizLady: What is the first step in connecting?
Jan Goss: There are 3 steps in the very beginning of a connection.
- Acknowledgement
- Greeting
- Introduction
If we don’t at least acknowledge another person’s presence, we will never connect with them. Acknowledgment comes first. This may be the only connection we get to have…. Eye contact, a smile, or perhaps a nod of the head.
If the interaction continues, the next step is a greeting such as “Hello, good morning”.
If we are really fortunate, we will get a chance to introduce ourselves. Knowing how to introduce ourselves correctly is critical to making a solid connection.
SmallBizLady: How can I build my confidence when it comes to connecting?
Jan Goss: Confidence is built through connecting … connecting with yourself, connecting spiritually and connecting with others.
Our confidence level in terms of connecting with others comes from knowing what to do and when to do it. When you know what to do and when to do it, you feel confident. It is in those moments when we don’t know what to do that our confidence wanes. Learning what protocol for different situations is will help you connect more effectively. Something as simple as knowing what to wear at an event can boost your confidence tremendously, or knowing who to greet first, or whether to sit or stand when shaking a hand… practicing protocols will increase your level of connectivity. It also raises the level of your connections.
SmallBizLady: What specific action can I take?
Jan Goss: The first action to take begins with your mindset. You must be willing to learn. If you think you already know it all or have an “I don’t care what people think” attitude, then you will stay right where you are. Attitudes that serve us in one area can become detrimental to our growth in another area. There is a time and place to not worry about what other people think. However, when it comes to connecting, it is critical to become what I call “others oriented”. It matters how we make other people feel. People do business with those they know, like and trust. The great Maya Angelou said it this way “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” Action step one is shift your mindset to being “Others Oriented”. Connect with me first, THEN I will listen about your wonderful products and services.
SmallBizLady: What behaviors would benefit me most?
Jan Goss:
- Work on your first impression
- Learn how to introduce yourself
- Master the craft of connecting
SmallBizLady: What is something that I can implement immediately to boost my confidence?
Jan Goss: Two things … adjust your posture and smile. Raise your hand if you have absolutely NO challenges going on in your life … no heartache with loved ones, no financial pressure, everything is just perfect. We all have challenges we are facing. This shows up in our body. We call it body language. Your body speaks before you ever open your mouth. When we come in contact with others, they do not deserve for us to do what I call “dump my trash into their yard”. My trash is my trash. It is my job to empty it every day or my life will stink.
A simple shift in our body will help create a shift in our confidence.
To adjust your posture, bring your shoulders straight up, straight back, and straight down. Then tuck in your diaphragm. You can do this right now wherever you are. Watch your mental state shift as you make this small adjustment. Now add a smile to your face. This releases endorphins that give us a sense of well-being.
Making these two small adjustments a habit will greatly impact how you feel and increase your confidence level.
SmallBizLady: What is the BOSS method?
Jan Goss: The BOSS method is a simple acronym that I teach to practice before you connect with people. I call it “powering up”! It is a 4 step process that will assist you in making your best first impression. Here are the steps:
B – Breathe (intentionally, deeply, with gratitude)
O – Open body position (be sure nothing is crossed with your hands by your side)
S – Stand up straight (use the 4 steps to adjust your posture)
S – Smile (release those endorphins!)
Practicing this method as you get out of your car, or in the elevator on the way to an important meeting, or in the bathroom before you go into an interview will greatly increase your chances of success!
SmallBizLady: What are the ABCs of managing my first impression?
Jan Goss: A – Appearance
B – Behavior
C – Confidence
Your appearance is the very first thing that people see about you. They see it from a distance before they ever engage with you. It is a critical part of making a good first impression.
Behaviors such as eye contact, a smile and your posture affect the way other people perceive you. You have more control than you may think over how you are perceived.
Your confidence level determines the quality of your connections. The more confidently you connect, the greater chance you have of making a great first impression and staying connected. An insecure, fearful first impression does not draw people to you. People love to connect with confident people.
SmallBizLady: Why is a first impression so important?
Jan Goss: A first impression is so important because you never get a second chance to make a first impression. An impression is the imprint we leave on someone’s mind and heart. It leaves them feeling “I am impressed … or … I am not impressed”. If we connect with a great first impression chances of doing business with that person go way up. If we make a bad first impression, our chances of doing business go way down.
SmallBizLady: How does confidence affect my life and business?
Jan Goss: Your confidence level determines the quality of your life.
Statistics show that confident people
- Are happier people
- Make more money
- Have better relationships
Fear stops us from reaching or potential. Many people go to their graves with gifts left inside of them because fear robbed them. Fear stopped them from pouring their gifts out on this planet. Confidence is the key that pushes you through the fear so you can reach your potential. Building your confidence builds your quality of life. It makes you a better person.
SmallBizLady: What action can I take to improve my confidence quicker, sooner, faster?
Jan Goss: When building your confidence, you can build it quickly or slowly over time. As long as you are building it, that is the most important thing. Only hang around with people who lift you up. Cut the people out of your life who drain you and pull you down. Be careful what you let in your mind. Fill it with positive thoughts. Continue to educate yourself and grow in your field. Take time for you. Self-care is first. If you don’t take care of you, no one else will. It is your own responsibility to make time to take good care of you!
The fastest way to grow your confidence is in a mentoring relationship with someone who knows how to build it. Invest in you. Invest in yourself. My 12 week VIP Confidence Coaching program is the way to grow your confidence quicker, sooner, faster. I strategize with you personally to build your confidence. Applicants must be approved for this program. You can begin by taking a simple confidence assessment that is available on my website.
Investing in yourself, recognizing that you are worth whatever it takes to build your confidence is the place to start. You are worth it!
If you found this interview helpful, join us on Wednesdays 8-9 pm ET; follow @SmallBizChat on Twitter. Here’s how to participate in #SmallBizChat: http://bit.ly/1hZeIlz
For more tips on how start or grow your small business subscribe to Melinda Emerson’s blog http://www.succeedasyourownboss.com.
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